“Battle with Depression Ends in Tragedy”

From one who deals with Depression every day.

As I picked up my local newspaper, I read the headlines “Battle with Depression ends in tragedy”. It piqued my interest. The article was about a fellow who had fought Depression for years and just finally had all he could take. His wife of twenty-five (25) years said that he thought he was doing them a favor. He had left a note for his wife saying that the Lord had called him home. On the day of his death he installed new smoke detectors and let his wife know that he had fed the dogs. He called 911 and ended his life. This was not the death of one who had not fought Depression. He had for years. The Depression became more and more difficult to control and the dark feeling of uselessness over-powered the ability to fight it off.

This story has been told over and over across our country. William Styron in his brilliant book Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness tells the story of his long, but successful battle with Depression. His story begins in Paris, where Styron—already diagnosed as clinically depressed and knowing it, but not yet in treatment—is receiving a prize for his writing. During the festivities, which “should have sparklingly restored my ego,” he writes, “my brain had begun to endure its familiar siege: panic and dislocation, and a sense that my thought processes were being engulfed by a toxic and unnamable tide that obliterated any enjoyable response to the living world.” He lists the problems he experiences during a dinner with friends that night as “failure to have an appetite . . . , failure of even forced laughter and, at last, virtually total failure of speech.” As his Depression continues unchecked, he thinks of suicide: “Hideous fantasies [of suicide], which cause well people to shudder, are to the deeply depressed mind what lascivious daydreams are to persons of robust sexuality.”

Styron attacks the general public’s failure to appreciate the seriousness of Depression: “For in virtually any other serious sickness, a patient who felt similar devastation would be . . . in bed . . . His invalidism would be . . . unquestioned . . . .” But the depressed person “is thrust into the most intolerable social . . . situations [where] he must try to utter small talk . . . and, God help him, even smile.”

Styron called the word Depression “a true wimp of a word for such a major illness . . . Nonetheless, for over seventy-five years the word has slithered innocuously through the language like s slug, leaving little trace of its intrinsic malevolence and preventing, by its very insipidity, a general awareness of the horrible intensity of the disease when out of control.” And because getting it under control is not accomplished overnight, “failure of [rapid] alleviation is one of the most distressing factors of the disorder to the victim . . . .”

A partial list of symptoms of Depression.

• Distinctive low or irritable mood,
• Loss of interest or pleasure
• Eating more or less than normal
• Gaining or losing weight
• Sleeping more or less than normal
• Appearing slowed or agitated
• Fatigue and loss of energy
• Feeling worthless or guilty
• Poor concentration Indecisiveness
• Thoughts of death, suicide attempts or plans.

There is an impressive list of the famous and well known who suffer or suffered with Depression. Include on the list are: Abraham Lincoln, Anne Rice, Billy Joel, Boris Yeltsin, Brian Wilson, Brooke Shields, Buzz Aldrin, David Bohm, Dick Cavett, Drew Carey, Harrison Ford, Jim Carey, John Denver, Marie Osmond, Mike Wallace, Princess Diana, Rodney Dangerfield, Tennessee Williams, Terry Bradshaw, Vincent Van Gogh, and Winston Churchill.

I am also a member of this list. It has taken be a long time to put these thoughts on paper. You see, as most people suffering with Depression, I was embarrassed. Following one of my more public episodes of Depression which was reported in a newspaper, I was relieved of my duties as a Boy Scout leader. After 25 years of working with the BSA as a volunteer, I was even more embarrassed.

I found it very difficult to deal with other people. I experienced those symptoms that are italicized in the list above. With the help a good psychiatrist and family, we have been able to regulate my medications and talk through this troublesome time in my life.

I find that the American public is more knowledgeable about this debilitating disorder. More and more understand that Depression is not feeling sorry for oneself, but an illness created by a chemical imbalance in the brain. The efforts of Mike Wallace and CBS are important. Mike Wallace’s openness about his bouts with Depression is very helpful. There are fewer stigmas attached to the illness. Many resources are available. These include websites with self evaluations and descriptions of treatment. One especially valuable website is Depression and Related Affective Disorders Association (www.drada.org). Styron’s book is also a must read.